MINDFULNESS IS THE LATEST WELLNESS BUZZWORD TO GO MAINSTREAM. KARI MOLVAR EXPLAINS HOW STAYING IN THE MOMENT CAN KEEP YOU RELAXED AND HAPPY WHILE PLANNING, ON THE BIG DAY\u2014AND IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Paula Mallis clearly remembers her wedding day: The Los Angeles\u2013based doula planned it in six months, dealt with intense opinions from family members (including a mother-in-law \u201cwith big feelings,\u201d she says), and then, on the day itself, watched as the skies opened and it poured on her cli side gathering in Big Sur. \u201cThe umbrellas went to shit,\u201d she says. \u201cWe ended up in one room with everyone sitting on the oor, soaking wet.\u201d There in the room, Mallis broke out in tears\u2014not the sad, why-me? kind but the happy-smiling-love kind. \u201cEvery- one was laughing, and everything was how my husband and I wanted it,\u201d she says. Despite the downpour, they still had the amazing, crazy, fun day they\u2019d wanted. Not everyone would laugh in the face of such stress, but Mallis had prepared herself. Her secret power? Being mindful, setting intentions, and upping her meditation practice during her engagement. \u201cWeddings involve so much pres- sure and anxiety,\u201d she says. Mindfulness helped her stay \u201ccalm, centered, and present.\u201d To say mindfulness has caught on is an under- statement. At its most basic, \u201cmindfulness is the act of bringing your full attention to the present moment,\u201d says Ellie Burrows, founder of MNDFL, a meditation studio in New York. Granted, this isn\u2019t exactly new: Mindfulness is rooted in Buddhist and Taoist practices that PHOTOGRAPHS BY COREY TOWERS BRIDES.COM date back thousands of years. Burrows says it\u2019s about quieting your brain so it\u2019s not constantly pinging with thoughts of the past or worries about the future. \u201cIf, for example, you\u2019re talking with your anc\u00e9, then you are engaged in listen- ing.\u201d That means putting the mute button on interruptions \u201cabout your to-do list, the next thing on your calendar, or checking your phone.\u201d By not being at the mercy of a roving brain\u2014 or the incessant alerts from your phone, feeds, and followings\u2014you\u2019ll make better decisions, have more control over emotions and reactions, and forge stronger bonds with loved ones. If that sounds radically simple, it is. \u201cMindful- ness isn\u2019t new; it\u2019s just more talked about now,\u201d says Khajak Keledjian, the founder of InScape meditation studio in New York City. The rise is tied to our recent obsession with various self- care practices\u2014from crystal healing to sound baths\u2014that have gone from mystical to main- stream. We\u2019re craving what Suze Yalof Schwartz calls \u201csolstice,\u201d a kind of primal balance. Schwartz, founder of the UnPlug Meditation studio in L.A., says, \u201cOur culture is plugged in 24\/7. But we need silence and self-connection so we can be more creative, happier, and healthier,\u201d she says. \u201cJust as we recharge our phones, we need to recharge ourselves.\u201d A mounting stack of research backs up the ben- e ts: Meditating can decrease anxiety-related CALLIGRAPHY BY HANDMADE LETTERS OCTOBER\/NOVEMBER 2017 247 MANTRA COURTESY OF CHRISTINE D\u2019ERCOLE<\/p>
cortisol levels, increase emotional intelligence, and sharpen mental focus. In fact, according to the National Business Group on Health, 22 per- cent of U.S. companies (like Apple and Nike) now o er mindfulness perks to employees. As Burrows says, \u201cIt\u2019s no longer just monks in robes telling you that mindfulness is good. It\u2019s your doctor, boss, or friends. Our lives can be quite chaotic, and mindfulness can help anchor us.\u201d And there\u2019s nothing like planning a wedding to throw your life into chaos. \u201cThe money, the relatives, the expectations\u2014both personal and external\u2014all contribute to serious stress,\u201d says Schwartz. \u201cI wish I\u2019d meditated on my own wedding day. I was not really present.\u201d Taking a beat to breathe helps you \u201cbuild resilience in your brain so that you\u2019re able to stop stress as it comes your way,\u201d says Schwartz. It also lets you absorb all the happiness around you\u2014 so the day doesn\u2019t speed by in a blur. A mindfulness practice can take many forms, says Mallis, who launched WMN Space, an all- woman wellness hub in L.A.\u2014and can help you MINDFULNESS IS THE ENEMY OF MULTITASKING\u2014 THE DEFAULT MODE FOR SO MANY BRIDES-TO-BE. tap into your inner power as you navigate through the planning to the happily-ever-after part. First, take a breath\u2014and read on. PLAN WITH PURPOSE Meditation is often the easiest gateway to mind- fulness, but if you\u2019re new to it, start small. \u201cTry meditating in the morning for 15 minutes. This way, you start your day centered, calm, and clear,\u201d says Keledjian, who also recommends nding a consistent spot where you\u2019re used to the sounds and sensory factors. \u201cFewer distrac- tions makes it easier to stay focused and present.\u201d Meditation is simply a form of contemplation. InScape\u2019s weekly Focus33 guided meditation class is just 33 minutes, takes place in a cocoon- like space lit with purple tones, and is popular with brides-to-be like writer Kate Erickson. A teacher leads the class through a series of breathing exercises. \u201cI kind of felt like I was nodding o , and when it was over I really felt as if I had been transported\u2014like when you\u2019re get- ting a facial and dozing but really loving it,\u201d Erickson says. Her goal was to \u201ccalm my thoughts for a bit. I expected to love wedding planning, but I nd it completely overwhelming.\u201d What she\u2019s picked up in class serves her well beyond the con nes of the purple cocoon: When presented with sorting out hundreds of reception-related details, \u201ctaking a moment to focus on my breath has saved me from many planning-related freak- outs.\u201d (If you can\u2019t make it to a class, apps like Headspace and Insight Timer o er guided medi- tations of varying durations.) Mindfulness is the enemy of multitasking, the default mode for so many brides-to-be. \u201cMultitasking often means you\u2019re doing many things at once in a shallow sense,\u201d says Keled- jian. If you concentrate on one project at time, he says, \u201cyou\u2019ll actually be more e cient. It\u2019s about focusing your attention narrow and deep versus wide and shallow.\u201d Chances are, you\u2019ll immediately notice a mental shift: \u201cWhat would it feel like if I talked to my wedding planner and wasn\u2019t looking at a screen or driving or walking anywhere?\u201d Burrows asks. \u201cI would be more present for that conversation and make more thoughtful responses.\u201d If you still nd yourself getting anxious while planning (and taking it out on everyone), Bur- rows recommends \u201cintention setting,\u201d which is when you purposefully try to cultivate a quality, like patience or openheartedness. Find a quiet spot and write down your goal\u2014literally, \u201cI want to be more patient.\u201d (Think of it as a to-do list for your soul…and mood). Then start recogniz- ing opportunities to ex that emotional muscle. For brides who need a little extra coaching in the calm-yourself department, Padma Shankar Coram, a wellness coach at the Grace Belgravia spa in London (where Pippa Middleton is rumored to be a client), recommends EFT\u2014or emotional freedom techniques. The alternative therapy is part of the spa\u2019s wellness boot camp for brides and involves tapping on the body\u2019s meridian points to release negative energy. This, coupled with visual-guided meditation (in which you imagine your desired outcome actually happening), \u201chelps remove jitters regarding the big day,\u201d Coram says. To nd an EFT class or practitioner in your area, check out the directory at thetappingsolution.com. Your bridesmaids can get in on the mindful vibes too, says Mallis, who hosts \u201cblessing circles\u201d over bachelorette weekends. \u201cI led one where everyone wrote their wishes for the bride\u2019s mar- riage. They wished for things like understanding, communication, and great sex,\u201d says Mallis, who was surprised by how open the group was to what many consider a hippie-dippie activity. \u201cThis group was full-on partying; I didn\u2019t expect them to be down. But they laughed and cried and said it was the weekend\u2019s most magical moment.\u201d STAY PRESENT, SAY \u201cI DO\u201d You have something borrowed, something blue. Now you need something…balanced. \u201cHave a mantra for the day,\u201d suggests motivational speaker Christine D\u2019Ercole. \u201cIt helps you see the big picture and not stress over little stu . I like to use these eight words to begin a mantra: I am. I can. I will. I do. Then complete the phrase with words that capture the ideas you want to carry into the marriage.\u201d Repeating the mantra keeps you from \u201cgetting caught up in the fuss over place settings or desserts. It\u2019s critical to the success of the event you\u2019re celebrating.\u201d You\u2019ll also be in a much happier mental place if you do a quick gratitude list. \u201cTake up to 15 minutes before the ceremony to get centered,\u201d says Keledjian. \u201cBreathe deeply and take in the excitement and the love surrounding you. It\u2019s a great time to remind yourself of what brought you to that moment.\u201d During the day, pick two moments when you can steal away to connect with your partner. \u201cExpress your gratitude for the love that you feel, even if it\u2019s just for ve minutes,\u201d say Bur- rows, who suggests ducking out right after the ceremony and then again after dinner. Should a crisis pop up and you start to \u201cwander o into bridezilla land\u2014thinking, I hate my hair!\u2014 place your hands on your heart, close your eyes, and slow your breath,\u201d Schwartz says. Inhale through your nose for four seconds, hold the breath for four seconds, and exhale through your mouth for four seconds. \u201cGive thanks for the celebration, then think of three things you\u2019re grateful for about your spouse and three things you\u2019re grateful for about yourself. Then open your eyes. This will shift your mood,\u201d says Schwartz. \u201cNothing is prettier than happiness, so do this before going down the aisle.\u201d If you can remember to do only one thing? Turn on your senses. \u201cSmell your bouquet, feel the texture of your wedding dress, really listen, and take in what people are saying during the toast,\u201d says Thea Harvey<\/em>, a meditation teacher in L.A. \u201cWhen you do this, you\u2019re in the present.\u201d Then stay there by eliminating distractions. Give your phone to a bridesmaid. Hands free, heart open!<\/strong> BALANCED MARRIAGE Mindfulness skills can help your relationship too. \u201cMeditation is the best thing you can do for your marriage,\u201d Schwartz says. \u201cPetty things won\u2019t bother you as much. The toothpaste cap left o ? Dishes in the sink? No problem.\u201d You can strengthen your bond simply by being an active listener. \u201cIn my relationship, we try to put away our phones when we connect after a long day apart and be mindful of our time together,\u201d says Burrows. Such pauses can make you less fraz- zled. \u201cI have a lot more space between my reaction and the trigger,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m a better partner.\u201d Still, your partner might not jump into all your rituals right away. \u201cI grew up with a much more spiritual outlook than my husband did,\u201d Mallis says. But after 11 years together, he recently picked up on self-care habits to \u201cremain centered and present.\u201d Mallis says, \u201cI\u2019m like, \u2018Good bae!\u2019 I think he\u2019s just getting it.\u201d 248 OCTOBER\/NOVEMBER 2017 BRIDES.COM BRIDES.COM OCTOBER\/NOVEMBER 2017 249<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" MINDFULNESS IS THE LATEST WELLNESS BUZZWORD TO GO MAINSTREAM. KARI MOLVAR EXPLAINS HOW STAYING IN THE MOMENT CAN KEEP YOU RELAXED AND HAPPY WHILE PLANNING, ON THE BIG DAY\u2014AND IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":449,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-448","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n