In May 2021, I published one of my most talked-about pieces, The Lost Art of the Handjob, inspired by tips I learned from the trailblazing sex educator Amagine. It’s been three years, and I’ve yet to give equal attention to an essential topic: women’s anatomy and the practices that enhance their pleasure. It’s time to explore the intricate and beautiful landscape of women’s genitalia and the unique experiences of female pleasure.
Women’s pleasure is expansive and profound, with the capacity for multiple orgasms. Yet, despite this potential, research shows that a significant number of women have never experienced an orgasm, and women experience fewer orgasms than men. Understanding women’s anatomy is critical in bridging this gap and fostering deeper connection and satisfaction.
At the center of women’s pleasure is the clitoris, often referred to as the “throne” of female pleasure. It resides just above the vaginal opening, hidden like a precious gem under a fold of skin called the clitoral hood. The pearl-like clitoris is merely the tip of an extending network of nerve endings moving through the pelvis, inner thighs, and beyond. Engaging this network through thoughtful, intentional touch can create waves of pleasure that ripple through the entire body. The following is a helpful guide for partnered or solo sex.
Sensual Warm-Up
Establish consent, be fully present, and start to attune to your partner’s responses. Observe where your partner enjoys being touched most as you massage their hips, thighs, bottom, and lower belly. Kneading these areas builds anticipation while relaxing the body. Such touch encourages blood flow, engorging the genital tissues, making them more sensitive and receptive.
The Path to the Pearl
The vulva consists of the inner and outer labia (often called lips), which protect the vaginal opening and clitoris. Within these folds lies the clitoris—the “crown jewel” of female anatomy. The clitoris is incredibly sensitive, with over 8,000 nerve endings concentrated in its glans alone.
Before engaging directly with the clitoris, ensure that the vulva is well-lubricated. Natural lubrication increases with arousal, but a high-quality personal lubricant can enhance comfort and pleasure. Begin by stroking the inner and outer labia, alternating between light touches and firmer pressure. The goal is not to rush but to allow arousal to build gradually.
The Art of Clitoral Stimulation
Once the area is fully aroused, you can focus on the clitoris itself. Some effective practices include:
Listening
Every woman’s preferences are unique. The key to unlocking her pleasure lies in attunement and communication. An attentive partner pays close attention to verbal and non-verbal cues, observing changes in breath, body movements, and vocalizations. Open, ongoing communication clarifies preferences and deepens intimacy. Asking questions like, “How does this feel?” creates a foundation of trust and reciprocity.
Equally important is the woman’s ability to communicate her desires in a loving, detailed, and seductive way. Expressing what feels good or guiding her partner’s touch with phrases like, “I love it when you move slower,” or “A little more pressure there would feel amazing,” can be empowering and erotic. When delivered with a tone of desire and encouragement, these words invite her partner into her world of pleasure, turning the experience into a collaborative and profoundly connected experience.
Extending Pleasure
Clitorial practices remind us that sex can be far more than penetration—it’s a dance of exploration, touch, and shared erotic energy. The clitoris, with its intricate network of nerve endings and limitless capacity for pleasure, invites both partners to experience sexuality as a heightened ecstatic state, not a race.
By embracing this expanded view of sex, couples can nurture emotional and physical connections where both partners feel seen, heard, and satisfied.